Irrational Fears

I have this fear of…


I have this irrational fear

That you’ll leave me.

Everyone does eventually,

So it wouldn’t be too surprising.


I also have this terrifying fear of spiders.

With their eight legs and beady eyes.

And how they scurry away from me.


But if you don’t leave me,

Then I have another fear

You will be on your way to work,

And I’ll never see you smile again.


Then there’s this thing about semis.

Yeah, the trucks,

You know they terrify me.


If that doesn’t happen,

What if my anger gets the best of me,

And you never look at me the same?

I fear you’ll resent me.


I’m a tad terrified of clowns.

Their smiles are too fake,

And they have way too much red.


Or what if I’m actually poisonous,

And I begin to fill your heart with hatred

That was never there before.

I’m afraid to ruin your kindness.


And demons are the worst,

Especially those that take forms

In innocent porcelain dolls.


Or what about the fear

Of our love ceasing to exist.

Everything we built up together,

Suddenly crumbling to the ground.


And I’m still afraid of the dark,

And things that go bump in the night.

Yes, even at the age of twenty-one.


It All Started With A Book

I started out as a reader, not a writer.

As most of my friends and family know, I write. I also believe writing is something that will never die. However, I did not start out loving to write. No, I started out loving to read, which I think is normal for any writer.

Unlike most avid readers or writers, I can’t recall what specific book sent me down the path of love for books and writing. I just remember going from The Boxcar Children series to reading IT by the great Stephen King. And, in more recent years, I have fallen head over heels for Rowling and the Harry Potter series (duh, right?  How did I not fall in love sooner?).

I didn’t even start with writing short fiction, either. I started off with some of the crappiest poetry you would probably ever read (if I were to let you read any of it). I would just write my feelings into those free-verse poems. Nothing made sense, but I always thought, hey, this is poetry. It’s not supposed to make sense. I mean, I wasn’t totally wrong, but it just proved that I was not cut out to be a poet.

I also learned that I may not be totally cut out to write a novel, either. I like to get to the point in my fiction and embellish later. But when I do get back to the piece to “make it pretty,” I still can’t force myself to get lengthy. Thus, I found I probably fit best writing short fiction. But who knows? I’m young. Perhaps when I’ve matured more, seen more of the world and the people in it, I’ll be able to sit down and write a good novel or two.

But it doesn’t really matter that I can’t decide what kind of writing is best for me. Honestly, I just love writing, no matter the topic. What matters is that I didn’t necessarily always want to be a writer, but I was a reader and that’s what had done me in.

Keep Writing Alive

Just keep writing because it’s one thing that we should keep alive.

Writing has always been a passion of mine. There’s just something about a pen in your hand, letters forming by the curves and swirls of the ink. Blotted words you can hardly read when you’re finished because you were in such a rush to get your ideas down on a piece of paper.

Then you “upgrade” to some sort of word processor, and the feeling is different but hardly less beautiful. The way the keys depress with just the slightest press of your fingers. The clicking of the letters beneath your fingers as you watch the computer screen forming the words in your head. You’re just typing, ignoring any and all errors until you are finished and begin rereading what has been written.

Many people know this feeling. Sometimes, I feel, too many people know this feeling. I’m not sure why, but I always get this feeling of jealousy when I think about other writers, especially those my age. I shouldn’t, but I always want writing to be my thing, you know? I don’t want to share it. But I have to, as I should. Writing is a beautiful thing, and there are so many voices that need to be heard, even if others don’t agree with those voices. I have no right to keep writing to myself. If everyone believed that, we would have no Stephen King or J.K. Rowling or J.R.R. Tolkien. Our world would be boring, to say the least: no books, no magazines, no TV shows or even movies.

The one thing I have to remember is to encourage people to write, to follow their passions as well. I remind myself that it’s a good thing to have so many writers, like me or even better because it goes to show that some things will never die. As long as people are writing, it just means that even more people are reading, and both of those things prove that no matter how crazy or intense the world is becoming, some things will never die. The things that never die tend to be one of two things: the most hideous or the most beautiful. I choose to believe writing is part of the most beautiful, even the writing that I don’t like because it means that person was able to have his or her voice heard.

So keep writing. Write fantasy or biographies or blogs or news or even lengthy Facebook posts. Just keep writing because it’s one thing that we should keep alive.